November 12, 2007

Dear Lori,

the date is November 12, 2007. You have finally reached your due date with your first baby! Congratulations! But, just so you know, you will not have her today. Or tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the one after that, either. You're in for the long haul. Be prepared to wake up each morning for the next week and a bit crying, because you've just realized you are STILL pregnant. People will be calling you daily, wanting to know if you've had the baby yet.

Why, yes, I have. I went to the hospital, and had the baby, and came home and didn't tell ANYONE. I thought it would be more fun that way.


In a few days you will be hoping and praying that the baby that must come out of you eventually has not hit the 10 pound mark (she doesn't even come close.) You wonder if you will ever have the baby (you do.) People who are smart enough start to avoid you. You decide you don't like the baby's middle name anymore and change it, which you will soon regret.

Try not to worry about anything, it all ends well. In ten days you will have the most precious baby girl gazing up at you, and your life will suddenly have meaning.